Dierey of Huk Fin
by SmileVampy
Summary: What if Huck kept a journal during his adventures with Jim and company? What would it say... and how bad would the spelling and grammar be? Reviews are appreciated.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This was an assignment I had to do in English class last year... a diary from Huck's POV. Yeah, it's kinda dumb, I know... but bear with me, people... perhaps horribly misspelled retellings of Mark Twain's magnum opus are indeed your cup of tea?

DISCLAIMER (lest Mr. Clemens cometh down to smite me): Huck Finn and his homies do not belong to moi.

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Deer Dyaree, **

I reckon that Tom Soyer boy ain't rite in the hed. Y'see, me n him and sum othr boys mayd this robbr gang that Tom called Tom Soyer's Gang (I allso reckun that Toms a mytee bit fulla hisself) Well, he said that ther wus gonna be a bunch of A-rabs campin in Cayve Hollo with there camels and joowles and eliphants and mules. I was kinder eckcited, beecus I hadn't ever seen no eliphants afore. So we goes to Cavee Hollo and ther warnt nuthin there but a sunday skool piknik! No mules or nuthin! I wus preddy angered so I told Tom that I couldnt see non of the stuf he talked about, butt he sed it was all their, I was jus' somthin called ignerant. Then ol tom starts ramblin about sum book he red, Don Keyotee. I kinder tuned him out then cus I aint never been wun fer book lernin and alotta times Tom acts like a big no-it-all. Then he talkt abouts jeenies an how u kin git them to doo yer biddin and stuff when u rub a lamp and a ring. I got kinder inneressted, so too days layter, I tryed rubbin a lamp an a ring reel hard, but no jeenie came.

Yessir, that Tom Soyer is craysee.

**Deer Dyari,**

Pap came bak tuday. Paps my daad, and i hadnt herd hied ner hare frum him fer over a yeer. Evereewun thot he was drownded in the river, but I new I couldnt get ridda him that esee. So Pap was wayten in my room, an he starts tellin me off for wheren fancee close and lernin stuf at skhool, witch I go to now. I reckon he's purdy gelous that his sun is turin out to be smrter then he is. That kinder makes me proud, cus I no that if I keeps on reedin and writin, bothersum as it is, I won't never turn intoo a smelee ol booze hownd who can't do nuthin like my Pap. Pap sed heed whale on me if'n I ever whent to the skool agan. Wen I wus a littel feller I used to be reel afeared of ny Pap cus he used to hit me lots and lots sumthin feerse back then. Butt Im not so feared now. He askd fer the munny I gots frum my venturs with Tom Soyer, but beeforhand I had a bad feeler that Pap wus cuming, so i gaven my munny to Judje Thatchr. Pap took the doller in my poket tho, and he left to get him sum wiskey

He lykes wiskey.

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A/N: It's not over... what can I say, I like to stretch things out. C'mon and review, so you can tell me what a piece of crap this is... 

SmileVampy


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Shout-outs to Skuyfads and EverVengeful... who were the only reviewers for the first chapter. For lack of anything else to do in my Info Processing Class, I'll post the next set. Review!

DISCLAIMER: Huck Finn belongs to Mark Twain, who can keep the little runt for all I care.

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Deer Dyaree,

Well, Pap finnaly got me. Heed ben to cort to try and get my munny aways from Juge Thatchr but things was goin purdy slow and the Juge was purdy stubburn bouts it. Pap had also tryed to ketch me fer not stoppin skool buts I always hid or outrun him cus he is kinder slow and nun too brite. I dont reely hav mucha dezire to go to skool and lern anymores, 'cept to spite him, cus I cee it as a danjur to my helth. Well, one day I wusnt payn no 'tention and Pap caut me. I think summa the lerned folks call it kidnapperin or sumthin like. We went ovre too the woods in Illynoy and stayd in a log hutt. Pap done stay with me all the tyme, so I couldnt 'scape or nuthin. We spend mosta our days smokin n fishin. I been laysee and dirtee and gowing bak to my old ways. I dunt no how I gots to lyke bein sivilised at the widoes howse where I had to wahsh myselfand lern bout old ded Moses. I dont care if I never ever go to skool agan cus I'm gettin too do alla the things I luv to do. Even tho I'm doin' em with Pap, I'm still hapee.

I wish he'd stop drinkin that wiskey, tho.

Deer Dyaree,

Last nite wus the last straw. I done left Pap. He done drunc eenuff for too peepole the nite beefore and started his usuall ramblins about unfare govments and mulatter neegrows. Than aftur suppur Pap drank moor wiskeey and I slept sum. I wus startld wake by Pap screemin. He wus dancin around everywheres yellin bout snakes, that they was crawlin on him and bitting him. There werent no snakes a course, Pap wus just hallucernatin' cus a too much wiskey. Hes also dethly fritened by snakes wich I think is a sillee thing to be afeared of. Well, he saws me and came fer me callin me the Angle of Deth and sayin he wood kill me and cussin a hole bunch. He chased me 'round the hutt an coulda dern neer killed me butt he got all tired and past owt. I took down the gun and propt it up so that it wus pointin at Pap waitin fer him to stir. He didnt, but if'n he did then he woulda ben rite about me in sayin that I wus the Angle of Deth.

Today wen Pap wus in town sellin logs, I 'scaped. I shot and kilt a pig. Then I used an ax tohak and beet the door of our hutt in so it looked like sumwun had done robbered the plase. Then I cutt the pigs neck and used his blud to bluddy the ax and pulled out summa my hares to put on the ax so it lookt lyke the robber dun kilt me. I mayd lots a other tuches to the seen, stuff that Tom Soyer wooda 'preciated. I did a purdy good job of it if'n I say so myself. Then I hoppered in the canew that I founded erlier and rowed to Jacksun's Eyeland to hyde out and lye low fer a bitt.

I wunder how Pap'll reackt when he finds out I've gone missin' ded...


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry it took so long... I had Ch. 3 all typed and ready to go months ago... then my computer got a virus and I had to put all my documents on a CD... none of which I can retrive. Andit took me awhile to find the original Dieary. Anyway,a steamboat of love to newest reviewers **Almighty God of Paper** and **MissLovelyx3**.

Reviews are muchly appreciated.

DISCLAIMER: Huck Finn is not my freckle-faced rapscallion...**

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**Deer Dyeayri,**

I thot that I wus the onlee wun on Jacksun's Eyeland…boy wus I rong! I was addventurin owt in the woodz wen i cayme uhpon sum campfier ashses that wus stil smowking. I wus afeared outa mye mynd, I wus, so I went bac too mye camp to pak upp my traps and putt owt the fyr so it lookd like nobodeed ben ther fer awhiel, then I dun clime a trea n staye up ther fer a cuple owers. Layter in the nite i goat down and serchd rownd the eyeland. I fownd a man who wus sleepin. Wen he wakes up i seed that it wus Jim, miss Watsun's neegrow! I wus sur happee to sea him. So i cum owt an say "hello Jim!" and jim gets all skairt cus he thot I's a ghoost… I gess my plan workt purdy well then. It dun took sum splainin on mye part to make jim reelise that I warn't a ghost… cus 1: hes a neegrow and 2: hes a sooperstitshus neegrow. I tole Jim wye it lookd lyke sumwun dyed in Pap's hut, an jim sayd Tom Soyer coudnta dun a bettr job of it, witch mayd my pryde swel up cunsidurable. Then Jim tells me howe he dun run off on accounta Miss Watsun wus gonna sell him down to new Orlins fer ate hunnert dollers. Grate… if i didn't hav no problims of mye own afore, now's I got a runawaye neegrow on mai hands! Butt its jim , so i don't mynd to to much. A cuple dayse latr we sawed a frayme howse floatin down the river an der wus a man on the floor in it whoo wus ded. Jim whent to go hav a looksee. He cayme back n sayed that indeed the man wus ded and naykid too, butt he tole me not to look at the man's face cus he'd bend ed fer abowt three dayse and he'd beegun to fester. I had no deezire to look at the man, so I lookd rownd the botehowse and sawd playin cards, a straw hat, a baybee's suckling bottle, and lotsa emptee bottles of whisky.

I wunder who the ded man wus, tho…

P.S. Gess whut? Jim is whanted fer murdurin me! Me! Ain't that the mowst ridickuluss thang ever? On account of I'm not ded, I no its not tru!

**Deer Diharry,**

Me n Jim dun had a discusshun bout kings an stuff toodaye, and blame if I never met a neegrow more stubburn ore ignerant (to use sum of Tom Soyer's vocabumalary) than jim. He sayd that King Solomun warn't no wyse man, wich i no he wus cus the Widoe sayd so. Jim went on bout the chylde Solomun wus gonna cut in two diffrint womun sayd it wus theres. Jim sayd instede of askin round to find owt whoose baybee it wus, Solomun wus gonna chop it in haff so that eech womun dun get a part. What wus the use of haff a chylde, Jim sayd. I toled jim that he mist the point intirely. I wus gunna eksplayn it to him but there warn't any use on accounta his stubburness. So we tawk about uhther kings and how sum say Loowee 16th's littel boy the dolphin escaped an cummed to Amerika and how heed be lonesum and lern peeple to tawk Franch. Then Jim askt if Franch persons tawk liek us and I sayd noe, that we woodn't be ayble to undurstand a werd coming outta there mowth. Jim askt how cum, and i sayd its just so. Then I done askt Jim whut he'd doo if a Franchman caym up to him and sayd "Parlez-vous français?" (I dun got it outta a book) Jim sayd he'd whale on himm if he warn't white but neegrow… att leest he knows his playse. I tole him that it means "Doo yu speek Franch?" and that it wus a Franchman's waye of speeking butt Jim sayd their wusn't no sense in it. So I ecksplaned to him that cats an cows dont tawk liek uss, and thay dont tawk liek eechuther, and Jim agreed that it wus perfiktly normull fer them too speek difurrant. Then I askt why shudnt it be gnaturull fer a Franchman to tawk diffurant than us. Jim sayd a cow ner a cat wussint a man, but since a Franchman wer a man… why dont he tawk liek a man?

There's just noe argueing with that jim, so I didunt tri no moore. Neegrows just dont git sum things, an theres noe use tryin to teech em. Thay just ignerant.


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